If you don't sleep well (i.e. get the REM sleep) your body doesn't get the sleep at the level where your body is rejuvenating and rebuilding your immune system and strengthening you for the next day. The body repairs itself and gets re-energized during this deep sleep. Sleep deprivation is something that can turn your whole LIFE around -- you can be moody, tired, cranky, yes... these things, but you can also be SICK -- just ask anyone with Fibromyalgia (myself included) what it is like to get up after a poor night's sleep vs. getting up after a good deep sleep. The difference is phenomenal.

So, now that we have recognized that you need REM sleep, HOW do you get it?

First, you need a routine -- at 10 pm (insert the time YOU want to go to sleep into that spot), I want to go to sleep. Therefore, I have to start PREPARING for sleep before 10 pm. I need to do certain things beginning closer to 9 pm to ensure that my body is being told it is time to shut down for the night. YOU MUST DO THIS EVERY NIGHT until sleep comes easily -- and if it stops coming easily, you must start to follow this protocol again. This worked for me within several days – I rarely have a bad night’s sleep anymore!

At 8 (or 8:30) pm, I stop doing any exercise type activities other than gentle stretching or a nice slow leisurely walk. I don't watch action packed movies or television -- the idea here is to slow the mind down. I don't play computer games or get into long talks on the phone with people who upset me or are argumentative... After 8 pm, I am preparing to head to bed.

You will want to get your bedroom cleaned up (during a day ahead of all of this) so that your bedroom is a place of comfort -- perhaps some candles, no TV or computer or other things to suggest activity here.  The bed is for two things only -- SLEEP and SEX -- not reading, not watching TV, and not even using the computer. If you are in bed, your brain knows that you are either going to have sex, or you are going to sleep -- no jokes about 'what's the difference', please...

NO AFTERNOON NAPS during this period of time -- sorry -- that sounds cruel, but trust me -- the afternoon naps will return, but for now, they need to be banned -- they will ruin your sleep hygiene routine -- you may have to go to bed at 7 or 8 for a while, but no naps.

At 8 pm, you sit and read or chat with your family or read to your children or journal or do something you enjoy that is relaxing -- sewing, needlepoint, crocheting etc... You can do this for a while, but know that you are preparing yourself for sleep. If you like to read before falling asleep, just do it in a chair, not your bed!  (Even if it is the Bible, read it in a chair!)

Your bedroom needs to be cool -- so if you have air, a fan, or can open the window a bit, that will be a great time to do that. Be sure you have a nice warm extra blanket to put at your feet so you won't need to get out of bed later to find one -- if you get cool in the night, just pull it up and snuggle closer to your hubby. Wear whatever PJs are the most comfortable for you -- not the sexiest unless it is a sex night... sweats are great in the fall and winter! If you put some candles into your bedroom, you can light them ahead of time so it will have a nice relaxing fresh smell when you come to bed. I would also light some in the bathroom at this time as well as put a tape or CD on that is very relaxing -- sorry, no rock tonight!

About 1/2 hour before bed, get into a VERY WARM bath -- or take a very warm shower. Have everything ready and in the bathroom before your shower or bath (you will see later that you also need to prepare a chair in the living room -- you can get all of these "pre" things done in the afternoon). Brush your teeth before you shower; cleanse your face and whatnot before if you can't do it in the bath or shower; use a body brush if you really want a great night's sleep and a little extra toxic removal treatment at the same time. (see body brushing techniques on the Coping Skills page.) Now is the time to get those meds done, get your last drink, go potty, etc... The last thing you are going to do before bed is bathe or shower... so have the bedtime meds in the bathroom, and have everything in there with you -- PJs, slippers, robe, etc... whatever you put on after your shower.

Next, take that bath or shower -- 10 - 15 minutes where you are focusing on HOW GOOD THAT WATER FEELS against your skin, your muscles, your whole body is relaxing in the warm bath --- okay --- this isn't corny -- this WORKS!!! Practice, slow, deep breathing while you shower or bathe; just relaxing and thinking ‘restful’ thoughts.

When you step out of the shower get wrapped up in a warm towel and dry off, then slip into warm pjs.  It is wonderful if your spouse is willing to warm your pjs and your towel in the dryer and bring them into the bathroom without letting the steam out.  But, if you don't have someone to do this, before your bath or shower, put them in the dryer then roll them up tightly and place in a bag beside the tub, or lay next to the heat register - they will still be warm!

Wrap up in the towel that is comforting and soft. Dry off and if you have a hair wrap, throw it up so your hair will dry quickly.  The goal is to go from the shower to the warm towel, to the warm PJs to the cool bedroom and into the cool bed!!! ASAP!!!  Don't worry about your hair -- tomorrow is a great day to do that!!!

Blow out the candles on the way -- and don't stop to say goodnight or anything -- tell them all goodnight before you get into the shower -- that is part of the "PRE" stuff. Your job is to re-teach your body that when it hits the bed, it goes to sleep. Use an eye mask - to keep the light out. If you have a family that is staying up late, use ear plugs. NO LIGHTS in the room -- that means that if you have an alarm clock with a light -- it must face the wall and be out of your reach -- no looking to see what time it is... it is BEDTIME.. because you are in bed.. so go to sleep!

Now, the training part.  Let's say you have done all of this and you are in bed for about 8.5 minutes and you are thinking about dinner tomorrow night... redirect your thoughts to sleeping and restfulness and try to remind yourself that there is nothing that you can do tonight that can't be done tomorrow.  So, you choose to rest your mind. Then, if it gets to be ten minutes or so, (here's the important part.. listen up...) GET OUT OF BED, leave your bedroom in your nice warm robe and slippers... go to a chair that has been PRE-pared for this occasion and turn on a soft light beside that chair,   -- NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED HERE! Begin to read the reading material that you placed there before hand -- the microwave manual.  If you don't have one, have some other extremely boring piece of material there to read -- no books, magazines, etc... we are talking boring manual here...

Sit there with a pillow and blanket that you had set out ahead of time, reading the manual by dim light until you feel a little tired -- then get up and go straight back to the bed... do not pass go and do not pick up $200... straight back to bed!

Get back into bed and do the mask and earplugs if needed and redirect your thoughts to sleeping and things that are relaxing.  Do imagery if that works for you -- seeing yourself at a lake or some place that is relaxing to you.  If ten minutes goes by and you are not sleeping -- you guessed it... OUT OF BED, into the boredom chair and back to the same boring manual. Repeat as many times as necessary for the next couple of nights and only stay in the bed if you are asleep within 10 - 15 minutes -- or go out to the chair -- no lying on the couch or sleeping in the chair either!

When your brain gets the message -- and it WILL get the message within a few nights, you will find that the routine is what will be the most important element... BEING PREPARED is the key to this working. During the DAY set up these things so that at bedtime you will be PRE-pared to go to sleep.

If you awaken during the night -- do NOT look at the clock -- remind yourself it is sleep time and that your clock WILL ring when you MUST be up, but right now, you don't need to be up, nor do you need to know what time it is... (telling the rest of us what time you were up last night is not nearly as lovely as telling us that you slept through the entire night without checking the clock even one time!)

Continue this routine and within a couple of weeks (much less for me!!!) you will be amazed that your mind and your body are going to learn that you mean business when you say it is bedtime! When you prepare all of these things ahead of time -- you are telling yourself that this is an important thing to you and that you value your sleep!  Let your husband and your children know that you NEED this time to yourself -- and GIVE IT TO YOURSELF!  You will be a lot less difficult to deal with on a full night sleep, and you watch, they will start ushering you to bed early if you start responding with more patience because you have the 'physical ability and the restedness' to do so. If you have a bad day, don't be surprised when the kids offer to clean the kitchen so you can go start your bed routine early!!!

Think of it... don't kids go to sleep a LOT easier when you give them a regular bedtime routine -- and don't they drive you crazy when they are tired? Hey, you are human and you need sleep too!!! Therefore, hopefully this is something that every person who comes here will read and benefit from ... it was certainly one of the best pieces of information that I took away from my three weeks in day therapy for anxiety and stress management.

**  Preparing your boring chair.  Find a place in your home that you can go to if you are not asleep within 10- 15 minutes of laying in bed.  This can be a rocking chair, arm chair or even one end of the couch, but no laying down.  Put a manual there -- microwave, tractor, just something very boring!  Have a blanket there to keep warm, and have a dim lamp to read your manual by.  Do not have water, and do not have food.  Just SIT UP and read until you begin to feel tired, then return to bed and start again.

I would LOVE to hear from anyone who tries it to see if you get good results -- and HOW LONG it took to start seeing a difference.

I am not suggesting that anyone NOT take their sleep medications -- I am just saying that these suggestions do not include sleep medications -- just natural ways to cause your mind and body to learn to relax.  Your doctor is the one who decides if YOU need sleep medications - but don't be surprised if in no time you are not needing them or if you are sleeping 8-10 hours a night without waking up!!! I can now generally sleep at least 8 - 10 hours without getting up to pee, or to toss and turn etc.  And if that stops happening, I just need to implement this technique again for a few nights and wham! -- sleep returns --

Sleep, blessed sleep --- I wish it upon all who come this way!!

REST WELL.



 

Other suggested things to consider:

CD's or Tapes and you can use a “pillow  speaker” (a small flat speaker that goes under your pillow).  Use a recorder that shuts off by itself -- and if it doesn't, tuff! It can wait until morning --- you will slip into sleep with some nice music!

Trade your hubby for backrubs -- ask for yours during your pre-shower time -- and offer his after he gets home from work. 

You don't want to be woke up if you can help it, so if he comes to bed after you, ask him to please have all of his stuff ready in the bathroom or bedroom and to use a very low light lamp when he comes in.

Use earplugs and a sleep mask; I can still some sounds -- so, don't fear that you won't hear your kids, or your smoke alarm.  Get the soft, low decibel ones (available at Wal-Mart in the pharmacy or hunting area.) They make two that I really like -- a very soft purple and an orange one that I love because I can hear my kids when they come in and talk to me, but it is muffled enough that I can sleep through it if I want to.  Both are soft, and I always carry some in my purse when I need to 'rest in public'.

If you are in bed and find yourself ‘worrying about something, ask yourself this question:  “Is there anything I can do about this right now?”  If the answer is ‘yes” go do it and return to bed.  If the answer is “no” tell yourself, tomorrow, I will set aside 10 minutes to worry about this and do what I can do during that time, but tonight, there is NOTHING I can do about it, so I will not ponder it now.  Return your thoughts to relaxation and do deep breathing.

I wish you pleasant sleep, restful, deep and refreshing sleep and plenty of it!

Good night, Sleep tight, Don't let the bed bugs bite! 
Shep